I am made of magic things and the leftover fire of silently exploded stars.

I first discovered the incredible Tyler Knott Gregson's poetry on Pinterest - and I have since become a massive fan of his work.  This one in particular speaks directly to my soul, and so I wanted to share it with you.

The incredible words.  Tyler speaks from his heart to mine each and every time.

You can purchase prints of his beautiful poetry by following the links from his website, http://tylerknott.com/ where you can also see some of his incredible photography.

Progress report...

It's been a while since I checked in.  Life just gets in the way sometimes, you know?

So my trial of high-dose abatacept (now simply referred to as "miracle juice") was a roaring success.  My rheumatologist didn't even bother asking how I was feeling.  He said he saw me from a distance one day, and he just knew.  To quote him (as closely as I can from memory, anyway):

"I saw you walking down the street, and I smiled to myself.  Incredible.  Great posture, confident steps, head held high, smiling as you walked; looking exactly like a young woman should.  I've seen you shuffling your feet and walking with the gait of a 90-something year old woman; but the woman I saw that day was every bit the fit, healthy, confident young lady I always knew was in there, barricaded by your RA.  It's amazing the difference good treatment makes."

He was absolutely right.  The increase in dosage almost instantly made a huge difference - and now I don't feel so trapped by the disease.  It's amazing how much weight it puts on your shoulders, to have to carry the disease around with you day after day.  It robs you of good posture, confidence, and the sparkle in your eyes that people recognise as your healthy face.  But removing that weight - figuratively and literally - and being able to have enough energy to do things like go to the gym after work make me feel more like a person my age should feel!

So we carry on - because this is as close to the big R as I've come.  Sure, there are flares every now and again; and I'm certainly not going to insinuate I'm pain free because that would just be flat out lying - but I feel good, I feel relatively normal, I have had zero sick leave days in the past 6 months due to my RA, and I feel as though I finally have some semblance of control.  And after so many years of feeling as though I had zero control over my body and its tantrums, that's one heck of a turn around.  Thank heavens for new developments in drug therapy!

Has this ever crossed your mind?

I'm not much of a day-dreamer, but I have had nights where I dream I am pregnant.  I have blamed it on my being of an age where many of my friends are falling pregnant and having babies, and therefore it seems as though barely a day goes by there isn't a new announcement.  I therefore, through no fault of my own, have babies on the brain.

I've never gotten far enough in my dreams to see what the baby might turn out like - but I guess it goes without saying that I would hope for the perfectly healthy, perfectly formed baby all prospective parents want.  An Australian couple - this time pregnant with their eighth child - were no different.  They went to their ultrasound to hear a strong heartbeat, and see two perfect little feet on two perfect little legs, two perfect little hands on two perfect little arms, and two faces.  Yes, two faces.

A scan of the baby.

The baby is reportedly suffering from a duplication called craniofacial hyperhidrosis (or diprosopus) of which there have only ever been 35 cases recorded world wide.  The last known case of diprosopus was recorded in an Indian baby who was born – and died – in 2008.  The baby was born with two sets of eyes, two noses, two mouths but only one set of ears; meaning she could breathe normally, drink milk through both mouths and her eyes blinked at the same time.  However her life was short, when she suffered a heart attack and died two months after she was born,

In speaking to an Australian current affairs program when this story came to light a couple of months ago, it was revealed that the baby's parents have seven other children, survive on welfare and carer's payments, and her mother suffers from rheumatoid arthritis.

And in the article I read, I stopped.  I probably held my breath momentarily.

Rheumatoid Arthritis.

It's not like I don't read, hear or think of those two words most days anyway, but it dawned on me... there is a risk.  

I know, I know - there's always a risk of malformation or disability with any pregnancy, but after my first rheumatologist all but beat it into me that any less than two forms of contraception wasn't enough, I have had a healthy fear of the thought of an unplanned pregnancy for myself or anybody else on the likes of Methotrexate or Leflunomide.

Without knowing, judging or otherwise being negative about the couple, I only hope that they heeded the warnings surrounding pregnancy and medications.  I can't imagine the confusion and confrontation of being faced with a discovery like this - let alone if there was any chance at all that it could have in some way been avoided.

Because all babies deserve the very best chance at a healthy start to life.  This poor little possum won't be so lucky.