Trapped

Chronic pain is not something I learned much about at uni - truth be told, I highly doubt a textbook or lecturer could have done it justice in a 200-seat theatre. There's something about the all-encompassing nature of chronic pain that really only lends itself to a practical learning experience.

I have been living in pain for almost 15 years now.

I haven't been keeping close tabs (that would be weird, even for my fastidious nature), but without any exaggeration, I could say quite safely in that 15 years there have been perhaps 500 days where my pain would have rated at less than a 4.

I consider myself to have a reasonable pain threshhold - I consider anyone who says their pain is an eleven out of ten to be a flat out liar; because in my book that kind of rating is reserved for someone amputating your limbs while you are conscious, giving birth and being paper cut all over and doused in alcohol handrub. You cannot say you are in that kind of pain, because you simply wouldn't be able to speak.

So believe me, when I say my pain is an eight, that shit is legit. Hell, I operate most days with a reasonable level of functionality at around a 5. That number requires regular pain relief, of course, but if I reserved my efforts for days when my pain was less than a 5 - well, kiss employment, socialising and life goodbye.

Over the past 18 months, my pain has gotten progressively less controllable, and taken over my daily existence. I've gone from being able to conceal the pain behind a mask and still be a functional human, to having far more regular days where this simply isn't possible. And yet I soldiered on - struggling with the same amount of analgesia but a bigger gap between the dose and the pain, and pushing myself to get through the working week, only to collapse into bed by 6pm Friday night and only emerge again at 6am for work on Monday. In short, my life involved very little living and a whole lot of painful existence.

But I finally had enough - I saw my rheumatologist on a day where I couldn't maintain the facade, and the decision was made to address my pain issues in a more comprehensive way. It is, without doubt, the single best decision  (in terms of my RA) I've made. It took almost two weeks as an inpatient in hospital, a lot of patience and a whole lot of research; but here I am, in the least amount of pain I've been in for many years, and feeling clear-headed and physically & emotionally lighter.

Chronic pain steals so much from sufferers. Don't suffer silently - speak to your doctor and be honest. Don't wait as long as I did to get your life back.